Be grateful always

Little cringe and self conscious as a few people walked past as I was recording. But my message is be grateful of all the opportunities you get to travel. I was talking to a older lady on the bus here. She was 80 the first time she was allowed to go out of her village!! She said when her husband was alive he would dictate where she could go who she could go with and how long she could be out for. She’s now in her 90s and the furthest she’s ever travelled is 20 minutes on a train!! We went for a cup of tea and I told her about the places I’ve been and where I would like to go. She told me to tell at least one girl I know to travel far and wide whilst they have the opportunity. I promised her I would. So please everyone be grateful for the opportunities xxxxx​

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Do not settle. 

I’ve been at my new job for about 9 weeks now. My manager was asking me yesterday how I was finding it. And honestly? I do really enjoy it. There’s been a few times I’ve had a wobble or it’s been ridiculously frustrating. But as a whole I love it. 

She then joked give it a few more months. And I replied “oh as soon as I don’t enjoy it I will leave. I only do things I enjoy. ”

Her puzzled expression is one I see over and over. I know too many people that work 9-5’s that they hate with abundance. Their lives a count down to a Friday evening. To me, that’s an insane way to live. I would much rather keep looking for something that suits me. 

I’m 26 and this is job 30? Maybe 31. Definitely more than 27. 

Do I feel bad or guilty for wasting opportunities? Not one bit. My happiness is much more important 

Wanderlust and a wandering heart. 

It’s always been my intention to travel. I’ve always made excuses. No money. Don’t drive. Don’t speak the language. Bleh bleh bleh. Excuses excuses. 
But now I have set a target date. I will go once I have graduated from uni. I have inquired about potential jobs. I will go for it. 

I need to. I have the resources for me to live the life I truly want. There are too many people who are barely surviving. I am aware I am extremely provelidged. I have a house, family good friends, good health and a really good education. I’m sure I will be able to make use of these on my travels. All I know it’s too much to waste. 
Tynemouth beach. 

I don’t care if you think I’m selfish 

Today an acquaintance (at most) called me really selfish. Why? Because I turned down a offer to go to a place I had zero interest in going. I couldn’t of gone anyway as I had a uni lecture and I want to spend some time studying. 

But the point was I didn’t want to. It wasn’t some where that interested me and well I didn’t want to. Their response was that I was selfish. 

Am I? I didn’t stop them from going. Should I do something I don’t enjoy just to appease another? In some situations there be a reason to do so. However, I feel that I should be able to say no. I don’t see why I should be made to do things that would not bring enjoyment to my day. I do put myself first in a lot of situations because at the end of the day self care is a must. 

Admittedly this has not always been the case. Once upon a time I would agree to absolutely everything. To the point where I was spending money I didn’t have and triple booking and running myself into the ground trying to keep up with everyone. And I broke. I’ve learnt that it’s just not feasible. It’s ok to say no. And I understand if you say no too. 

All the small things. 

Today I feel so happy and just in tune with life. I know it sounds so soppy, but I’m trying to take time out to appreciate the things that make me smile but not necessarily would be noted for more than a fleeting moment. 

One of these was spotting some rabbits in a field on the way to work. Usually on the trip I’d be on my phone or trying to nap. But a few days ago I was sitting with an elderly couple. I had moved seats so they could sit facing forward and I sat backwards. It was nothing to me but meant a lot to them as she got really motion sick if she didn’t face the way she was going. Anyway we got talking and they started pointing out the different fields and different wildlife. We saw herons, rabbits, badger and and a few foxes. And they were beautiful. Seeing them today made me smile because sometimes your heart needs the most innocent of pleasures. 

And a not sucky date 

So it’s been nearly a month since I posted about my date that sucked. Well since then I was coerced into downloading Tinder. I admit swiping isn’t really my thing as I don’t fancy people at all until I know them. So I decided to swipe on people who I thought I would eventually get to know. 

Maybe that’s what attraction is really. We look for things we have in common. It might be they are wearing a band t shirt we like. That kind of thing can sway a yes or a no. I’m sure there’s probably lots of research into that kind of thing but not the time and place. 

Anyway I swiped right for a few and I went on one or two nice dates. Pleasant conversation but nothing more. And I also went on a really lovely date that has been followed by a few more dates which has now led to me renaming his cat and a mutual appreciation for home made milkshakes. 

All in all things are looking lovely. 

Are you actually OK?

We are a nation of non burdeners. We don’t like to put people out. What risk is this to our mental health?

Answer this question. How are you?

I recently asked this of a friend who had just gone through a relationship break up. He said ok. And I probed: ‘are you actually ok or are you just used to answering ok?’ He admitted he was not ok. He was angry and hurt. We talked. I didn’t fix his problem but he felt better after.

“OK” is the thing we often say when things are epically shitty, but we just don’t want to be a burden, even though things are epically shitty. Things are epically shitty for a lot of people, a lot of the time. What makes any epic shit pile more notable than any other?
Sometimes ok is an acceptable answer. Like if the cashier is asking you as she’s packing your shopping and there’s a queue three miles long behind you. But when your partner, family, friends and work colleagues ask you, they are asking for a reason. They care.

Think about it. You only ask people you care about. So just accept that people care about you. So next time someone asks remember it’s ok to be happy or sad or angry or tired or excited. Ok is an agreement not an emotion.

I’m on a diet. I’ll have the hot chocolate with all the marshmallows. 

When I was younger my weight was never an issue. I knew I was biggish. But I never really cared. Not until I was in my early twenties and I started trying to lose weight. I joined a fat club. I didn’t intend to I wandered in one day and got caught up in the promises. 

Over the last 6 years I have been on a diet, not on a diet, half on a diet. Sometimes really well sometimes not. The temptation to scoff sweets is always there. January 2016 I had a gastric band. 

Fabulous. I lost 3 stone so far. Started going to the gym dropped dress sizes and I genuinely feel good. But the last few months I’ve started eating cakes and sweets and shit again. The weights started to creep back on. And I kind of don’t care. Should I lose weight just cause I feel I should. Or should I just enjoy what I want as I want.